Being a commodity. Failing at life. Sorry.


I’ve finally put my finger on what bothers me about online dating (took me long enough) but it’s this: effectively you’re selling yourself. It’s not about being a good kind person. Or an immoral one. It’s about how you look and how well you can ‘sell’ yourself with a description. You’re a commodity. And to compete with the others you need to be the absolute best version of yourself-even then there will always be someone thinner/prettier/taller/smarter etc. It actually reminds me very much of livestock sale catalogues: you look at the pictures, read the descriptions/stats and then pick a few prospects and hope you’re the highest bidder. It won’t stop me from trying it one day but I really don’t want to be the last bull in the ring so to speak.

Also failing at life. I feel that I should keep better track of the blogs I’m following, post more comments, be more active online but I’m just not very good at keeping up. I’d like to post more comments but often I can’t figure out how to word them, I’m worried I’ll offend someone or that no one wants to read my opinion. I feel, quite frankly, that I’m letting the side down-I’m a part of a small minority, the later in life non-religious virgin, and I feel I should help support others in my position. I consider them my tribe and I want to contribute as best I can. I just can’t figure out how? It’s irrationally distressing.

Failing at being a girl. I also sometimes worry about whether or not my inability to apply eyeliner is a serious mark against me as a girl. I mean most ladies wouldn’t dream of a first date without ‘doing their face’, I tend to be too scared I’ll make myself look a) like edward cullen (washed out and sparkly) b) I had a fight with someone and got both my eyes blacked or c) just plain weird. Then I have to take it off and that leaves me pink and irritated looking due to my sensitive skin and mild rosacea. I did have some laser last week on my rosacea-to keep it under control-let me just say ouch! But I can see the difference, it’s looking better πŸ™‚ Thank god, I was so swollen the first couple days it wasn’t pretty at all! I also believe I am a slightly ridiculous human for worry about this……

I’m off to my first math lesson tomorrow. Wish me luck.



4 thoughts on “Being a commodity. Failing at life. Sorry.

  1. omgosh darling…we fellow bloggers are HERE for people’s thoughts comments and opinions. So even when you think you’re going to offend someone just push through…if they can’t take a joke, or a different point of view they shouldn’t be blogging in the first place. …And I 100% agree about your point in online dating. I often feel like that flavor of ice cream that no man is willing to try because it’s really weird looking and they have no idea whether or not they’re going to like it…so they just go with their old standard.

    Ahhhh the joy of online dating mixed with low-self esteem πŸ˜‰ Good luck with math!

  2. How did your math lesson go? And I feel like I should be more active at commenting on others’ blogs and stuff too. I try but I still end up not being as active as I like.

    And don’t worry about the eyeliner thingy. At this weird make-up thingy i went for, the make up artist said not everyone’s eyes are suited/need eyeliner. So I am telling myself that I don’t need eyeliner since I don’t know how to use it :p

    • Hey Anita,
      It went okay, I’ve got a long way to go but at least I’ve started I guess! I should comment more too, I try to at least like messages from people so they know I’m reading πŸ™‚

      That’s a good way of looking at it…..I wonder if that applies to eyeshadow too LOL πŸ˜‰

      • Haha let’s just say it does. I have days when I’m too lazy to wear make up and delusionally tell myself my face doesn’t need any make up πŸ˜€

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