Someone should know

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How I’m feeling right now. I can’t talk to my family about this-so blogging it is. Decisions have been made, I have acquiesced to these decisions despite them not being what I want, because I think they are probably best for my family. But I’m miserable. I feel like I have no future at all and I just don’t care. I’m disinterested in everything. I don’t want to do anything at all and I resent being asked to. Having a bath is a major effort. I feel everything I’ve done is a mistake, that all failures in my life have been mine solely and completely. That things would be different if I’d tried harder, been better. The whole MH17 fiasco hasn’t made me feel any better either. What is wrong with me? What is wrong with the world? What’s the point?

Vanessa

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3 thoughts on “Someone should know

  1. totallylonely

    Vanessa, I think you MUST talk to your family. You have to bare your soul and put how you’re feeling out there. It’s not an easy thing to do, but do your family actually KNOW how you feel? Have you told them you feel isolated, trapped, lonely? If these ‘decisions’ involve you staying on the farm, play hard ball: look your mother in the eye and say to her “is this what you want for me? To be still sitting with you on this couch in 30 years, a middle-aged spinster, even lonelier than I am now? Because that’s where my life is headed ” Have an argument if you must and be honest with them.

    You matter. Your future matters. If you don’t want to stay on the farm, your family shouldn’t pressure you into it. Those days are over, thank goodness, where generations of young people were forced to follow in their parents footsteps whether they wanted to or not.

    These decisions might be best for your family, but you’re part of the family too. Don’t be forced into a miserable life.

    • Thanks for the kind words 🙂 It’s more that if I leave the farm it won’t be there to come back to 😦 It’s really hard coming to terms with that. But it’s unfair of me to ask my family to wait for me 😦

      • totallylonely

        It’s unfair of your family to put this burden on your shoulders, and yours alone. What about YOU?? Lots of families sell the family home/business and move on with life – even my own parents sold our family home and moved away when I was in my mid-twenties, taking my only sense of permanence (my childhood home) away from me. But I survived 🙂 I urge you to really open up to your family about how this makes you feel and what this means for your life, as I get the impression you haven’t done that yet. Sometimes decisions are made because nobody stands up and says “actually, no, I’m not happy with that, can we discuss alternatives?” Don’t be guilted into staying at home (if that’s what the decision was) because it suits the REST of your family…..

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