Probably not. Even though consciously this move hasn’t shook me up too badly I think it’s doing a number on me subconsciously. I really thought I was improving a little bit before we moved-feeling a tinsy bit more confident and not being so horribly tongue tied and awkward around new people. I seem to have reverted to my silent-unless-spoken-to ways and even then I only give a monosyllabic answer! Argh! People think I’m aloof and arrogant or just a bitch and I have no idea what to do-I just can’t seem to get a handle on myself somehow. It’s so bloody frustrating! Does any one else have this happen? Or am I just truly unfortunate? It’s really not a nice headspace to be in when I’m thinking of trying to go to school and be around other people. Worst is the fact I really, really want to connect with other people but I just can’t seem to reach out of my shell 😦 I feel like a parody of a human being. Something went wrong somewhere along the line with me and I have no idea how to fix it.
I watched ‘the wetlands’ last night and wished I was more like the lead character (as in she really, really doesn’t care)……but really how bad is it when you want to be more like a deranged completely gross chick? Who still got the absolutely gorgeous boy might I add? I’d like tp think I’m not as weird as that chick, but you know what? In a totally different (can’t stress this enough….I cringed and laughed my way through the movie in equal parts…..gross man!) way maybe I’m actually weirder and it’s just no one finds my brand of strange all that attractive?
PS it doesn’t help my mum keeps pointing out how award I am. Jesus. Doesn’t she think I’d change it if I could?