Could I be anymore awkward?

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Probably not. Even though consciously this move hasn’t shook me up too badly I think it’s doing a number on me subconsciously. I really thought I was improving a little bit before we moved-feeling a tinsy bit more confident and not being so horribly tongue tied and awkward around new people. I seem to have reverted to my silent-unless-spoken-to ways and even then I only give a monosyllabic answer! Argh! People think I’m aloof and arrogant or just a bitch and I have no idea what to do-I just can’t seem to get a handle on myself somehow. It’s so bloody frustrating! Does any one else have this happen? Or am I just truly unfortunate? It’s really not a nice headspace to be in when I’m thinking of trying to go to school and be around other people. Worst is the fact I really, really want to connect with other people but I just can’t seem to reach out of my shell 😦 I feel like a parody of a human being. Something went wrong somewhere along the line with me and I have no idea how to fix it.

I watched ‘the wetlands’ last night and wished I was more like the lead character (as in she really, really doesn’t care)……but really how bad is it when you want to be more like a deranged completely gross chick? Who still got the absolutely gorgeous boy might I add? I’d like tp think I’m not as weird as that chick, but you know what? In a totally different (can’t stress this enough….I cringed and laughed my way through the movie in equal parts…..gross man!)  way maybe I’m actually weirder and it’s just no one finds my brand of strange all that attractive?

Vanessa

PS it doesn’t help my mum keeps pointing out how award I am. Jesus. Doesn’t she think I’d change it if I could?

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7 thoughts on “Could I be anymore awkward?

  1. I’m sorry. 😦

    You’re definitely not the only one, I don’t speak unless spoken to, either, unless I really need to. It’s weird because I feel like there’s something wrong with me but I don’t think anything’s wrong with you. I think that’s the problem, at least for me, for you it might be different. But, I think I’m weird and so I don’t speak to people because then *gasp* they’ll find out. If I just liked myself then everything would be better. I think. I hope, at least. I know it’s easier said than done.

    P.S.

    Sorry about your mom.

    • It’s nice to know I’m not the only one, although I feel terrible that others are suffering in the same way 😦
      I don’t know….I guess we’re all pretty normal really…in reality even serials killers have a precedent: they aren’t unique there are others. So us mere wall flowers can’t be all that strange surely? Right?
      I know my mum means well but sometimes I could do without it!
      Vanessa

  2. Embrace the awkward! I am pretty sure I am much of an awkward human being than you are. Everyone is weird, don’t worry too much about it. And mom’s are like that, it’s like their job. To point out the obvious stuff, especially the negative. I tell myself my mom is old, it’s okay, just let it go as much as she sometimes annoys me.

    And I am also like that. People think I am aloof or a snob because I don’t speak unless spoken to but I don’t really care anymore. I can’t deal with to much talking anyway.

    Don’t get too stressed about things, ok?

    • I’m pretty sure you’re a accomplished young lady actually 😉
      I’ll agree everyone is a bit weird, but then there’s talking to pigeons weird….
      LOL my mums okay most of the time but then she’ll say something completely obvious and I’ll be like ‘……..what?’

      Isn’t it awful that just because you aren’t a chatty Cathy they think you’re a mean cow 😦 People suck sometimes.

      I’ll try not to 🙂

      Vanessa

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