Lets get real

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Time I’ve been writing this blog: 1 and 1/2 years.

Things that have changed since I started this blog:

* Moved from the farm to a new house for the first time in my life.

* Made some online friends. You know who you are *waves* Love you guys.

Things that haven’t changed that I would like to change:

* Still no more independent

* Haven’t  got my licence

* Still haven’t gone back to any kind of education

* Still haven’t meet any real life love interests

* Haven’t joined any classes or achieved any exercise goals

* Still haven’t mastered braiding my hair, seriously.

Now who’s fault is that? Mine. If I want something I have to get it done, other people can’t do it for me. Other people can provide invaluable support of course but they can’t fix my life for me. It’s my fear, anxiety and dragging my feet that is stopping me. I know this. I’m willing to admit it freely. But I’m not so sure how to fix it. I can make plans. I can daydream. I can even enrol/join/promise. Then I can go ahead and do nothing at all and continue to be miserable. I don’t want to do that. I’m pretty sure you don’t want me to do that. I have got plans for the coming year. And I’m hoping that they’ll work out, but I sometimes wonder if anything will work out or I’ll still be here 20 years from now writing a slightly different post about pretty much the same stuff. I don’t want that. I don’t really know what to do. But I guess I’m going to try.

Vanessa

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5 thoughts on “Lets get real

  1. I’m sorry. 😦 I know how you feel.

    Maybe you haven’t accomplished everything you wanted but you have accomplished something. Even a small step is a step. Living like this is hella hard. Sometimes, you just don’t want to do anything at all.

    If you hadn’t reached out to me, we wouldn’t be talking right now. You started a conversation, I just left a comment about a bear. That takes guts!

    I hope you feel better soon. ❤ 🙂

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