I don’t know what I’m doing

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Hi everyone!
It’s been a busy few weeks, I went to my interview and got accepted into part of the course-unfortunately my math was not good enough for Chemistry so now I’m doing english, biology and low level math. I don’t know how it will go, I have my schedule but I haven’t even put it in my planner cause I feel like I won’t be going for long. I start on monday so I guess I’ll find out soon enough, I guess I just have this feeling like I can’t do anything academic at all ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I really want to though, I’ve found a perfect science prep course that I could do after this if I can hack it. God I hope I can. And the worst is the more anxious I get about one thing (school) the more anxious I get about everything, did that person who hasn’t replied to my email for 3 days hate me?, does the person who hasn’t texted me back think I’m stupid?, does that person at the post office think I’m frivolous? just one big ball of freakout right now. I also feel guilty if I post on my blog before I reply to emails……but my blog is like my diary, it’s an outlet, sometimes I don’t feel like emailing but I do feel like blogging *shrugs* I have no idea what I’m doing basically. So hopefully no one is irritated at me. I have plans for a couple of posts first off is the ‘TMI’ tag as on hugs x heart and the second is ‘dear 28’, hopefully by writing them here I’ll remember them!

Does anyone else feel totally inferior when they read about people who are single parents to 6 kids, study full time and work part time? Or those people who collaboratively moan with you ‘oh I’m bad at math’ then proceed to get 18 out of 20 questions right on a test? When I say I’m bad at math I mean it-like 8 out of 20 questions right. I’m not lazy and not even particularly stupid, it’s just for some reason math doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. I hope I can get good enough to do what I want but I’m beginning to seriously doubt it.

Vanessa

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8 thoughts on “I don’t know what I’m doing

  1. If only I was still in Canberra, would have been more then happy to help you with math. But don’t stress, just trust that everything will be ok and concentrate on why you are in school. Things will be fine ๐Ÿ™‚

    • I wish you were in Canberra too! Lunch partner=sorted. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
      And thanks for saying that, I really appreciate the offer even if you can’t ๐Ÿ™‚
      I really hope things will be fine……I’m beginning to realise that my ‘school’ anxiety is actually worse than my social anxiety. So it’s hard-but at least I’m giving it a shot!

  2. You don’t have to feel guilty about blogging before replying to someone. ๐Ÿ™‚ I totally get how you feel. Oh, and I feel the same sometimes when someone takes a while to reply.

    Also, I feel inferior like all the time. It’s horrible and I wish it would just go away.

    Holy cow! You’re starting school on Monday? That’s awesome!!!! XD I know it’s scary and I’ll be crappin’ my pants, too when it’s my turn. LOL

    • Yeah I think it can be hard to put your mental state first…..and isn’t that feeling the worst?

      Yes, 100x yes.

      Yep. First half day done, I’m still freaking out a little bit. And my assessment schedule is scarring me. And I’m kind of worried I said something stupid to a girl I was in a group with……I asked of I could sit at her table next class…..to forward? Argh.

      • It is SO hard to put yourself first sometimes. I feel this stupid obligation to not upset anyone ever and it really fucks everything.

        In my opinion, you weren’t being too forward at all. In fact, I think it’s pretty awesome that you even asked. And I’ll say it again, and again if you need, you’re not stupid. You’re pretty cool actually.

      • It is! And not wanting to upset anyone and hen agonising over if you did-the worst!

        Thanks ๐Ÿ™‚ The whole school aspect scared the bejesus out of so people seemed less scary LOL She was nice though……I hope I can sit at that table!

  3. ergbennett

    Are we the same person?!? I found your blog when I Googled “blonette,” ’cause that’s my hair color too! And I’m bad at math. And the first day of school always made me anxious, especially if I had to re-take a class (which I did, several times). And I know how it is to feel inferior to my classmates — you know, the really smart ones who breezed through all the reading materials and filled class discussion with all their brilliant insights. *Sigh* Oh well. I’m glad I don’t have to go to school anymore. ๐Ÿ˜›

    • We can be the same person of you like…….does that mean you’ll do my english essay? ๐Ÿ˜‰
      Yes inferiority is a horrible feeling isn’t it? And dam those smart people with their brilliant insights, they should have to take different classes…..
      Vanessa

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