Well. F*ck.

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Ever had that feeling that things are going okay? Yeah me too. I did my first 2 tests (english and math), now it wasn’t a walk in the park but I felt I understood what I was doing and I felt like ‘okay I may not get 100% but I’m pretty positive I’ve passed!’, my new friend from class insisted that we should go out for my birthday for a movie and burgers even though it was a couple days late, I’ve been slowly but surely doing the c25k. Basically I thought things we’re going okay. Big mistake. First we got handed out a new essay for english. Then I checked out the biology revision test for next thurs, I thought I’d just glance over it a few times and all would be well, yeah that was not what happened. I looked at it and went ‘WTF! What is this?!’. It wants us to draw graphs and write hypothesis, something we haven’t done in class at all. It wants us to write a chemical equation and draw an atom, things we also didn’t do in class. Colour me confused over here. What the hell am I going to do?! Fail I suspect. I really wish the teacher had been more clear and said ‘we’re just glossing over stuff here, please read this and do that at home to be prepared’……..but he didn’t! So now I’m all at sea. And seriously worried, this is the worst anxiety I’ve had since starting school and I’m not sure what to do to fix the problem. Should I ask for an extension so I can study? Should I study for this week and hope for the best? I don’t know. I don’ want to fail. I can’t help but think this just makes me stupid, obviously everyone else in the class figured you had to do lots of research outside of class whilst I just coasted along oblivious. And then there’s the fact that my dad was so good at biology so I feel like I’m letting down the home front as well. To top it all off I’ve noticed a couple of broken capillaries in my cheeks, likely from running. I have my face lasered to get rid of them/control my skin (super sensitive skin which gets red easy) and now I feel like any kind of strenuous exercise is just going to reverse the process. Oh and my doc said I should avoid sun, spicy food, alcohol, extreme temperatures, intense exercise and stress. Then she considered that and said ‘but you have to have a life too’, well thanks. Bit hard though with avoiding all those. I won’t stop running for now, I guess once I have to stop I’ll just get it all lasered again-but thats painful and expensive *sigh* And I don’t want to stop, I want to be active and fit. I feel like everything I try to do is countered by the universe with massive nope.
I hope the next few weeks are better than this. I hope that I can by some miracle sort this test out. I’m not hopeful though.

Vanessa

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