Better at life?

Standard

As usual lately some things have happened lately to make me question myself. As you know I ran my own agricultural business for around 3 years, it just broke even, I won prizes and worked 14+ hour days, 7 days a week 10 months of the year (the other 2 were spent getting stuff organised for the coming year). It was exhausting. My competitors spread vicious rumours. I was always on the outer of the group because I wasn’t a city person who’d retired and decided to go into this particular field, rather I was born and breed country. People judged me and doubted me due to my age. Then I realised I would never have a chance to travel or go to university, and yes, maybe stupidly, have a relationship. Then my mother got sick and couldn’t help share the workload.So I closed the business. All the same people who’d given me a hard time suddenly came out of the woodwork to enquire why I was closing as I was doing so well, and to try and make me feel bad for ‘not working hard enough’ to keep it going. They also tried to buy my equipment. I withdrew and started about trying to build a better life. People still approach me now to ask if I’ll be starting again and why I quit, the truth is it’s always in the back of my mind to start up again-but I’m just not sure if the amount of work, lack of outside life and the petty backstabbing is worth it: is that what I really want out of life?
Then I made the mistake at looking up some of my competitors, they all seem happy and to be doing well and I think: am I a failure? Did I give up too soon? Are they better at life? Do people just like them better than me?
Frankly days like this make me feel done with life. I just am sick of always feeling like I’m wrong or I’m doing something wrong. But lets face it I must me, or my life wouldn’t look like it does and I wouldn’t feel how I feel.
So I guess I get an F in life and the worst part is I always try so hard.

Vanessa

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Better at life?

  1. I so want to provide meaningful insight, but there is little I can with one thumb on a phone. Sometimes things suck through forces having nothing to do with you. I also take that suck to mean I still haven’t found what I’m looking for, because the joy will be in the process–not the end result–when I do.

  2. Ran business on your own? Woah, I did not know that. Very impressive. Firstly, i think don’t bother about the competitors, people tend to paint a rosier picture that what truth really is. The feeling of doing something wrong, I think it’s going to be there for a while, I have it too. I try and just get used to in and be the best person I know how. The rest is not up to me I guess. It’s tough though, definitely.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s