A likely story

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So I’ve officially finished my first semester of uni! Go me right? Reading my last post makes me cringe……not because I’m embarrassed or I feel like I was over exaggerating but because I’ve realised I have to go through that all again next semester. And as you can probably imagine I don’t like torturing myself anymore then the next person so I’m really, really not looking forward to it. Also I have an extra subject next semester. Cue nervous breakdown.

Anyway lets talk about other things. I haven’t had a whole lot of time to think with uni but now I have 8 blissful weeks off…..to torture myself about other stuff. So my friend leaving has effected me more than I anticipated, it was kind of like confidence by osmosis, and her  unwavering optimism kind of wore of on me too. I felt more hopeful. That’s waned since she’s gone and here I am back where I started-unsure and frustrated about it. She was also a snappy dresser which kind of encouraged me to be more adventurous too, this semester has been pure jeans, t-shirt and hoodie territory and I really need to give myself a kick and start putting some effort in again. Bright side is I made 2 new acquaintances (I text them occasionally and I’ve been invited out but didn’t go) and 1 new friend, unfortunately the driving and school work meant I didn’t really take advantage of that like I probably should have. My 2 remaining internet friends have remained rock solid…..even when I didn’t have time to talk for a few days when I was busy with school! So big hugs to Anita and Sarah-you guys can make a shitty day just that much better so I can cope. I’ve also discovered uni is not the place to meet dudes, to start there’s the fact that there are more girls than boys, but more importantly there are 2 kinds of people at uni: 18 year olds and mid-20s up who are married, have kids or are in serious relationships. And as I went to uni near home (smart move for my mental health BTW) I’m still at home with my mum and living in a town of retirees. It’s all a bit of a nightmare. Not to mention the fact that I’m acutely aware of the whole getting older, not having any experience and trying to A, explain that in a way that makes sense to a ‘normal’ person and B, trying to get over the nerves/abject fear of looking like a complete weirdo enough to actually try and do something. So really for the rest of the year I don’t see this changing. But I do have options for next year, here they are in no particular order:

*I could transfer uni’s hope for the best re my mental health and also transfer credits

*I could try and go on an exchange

*I could take a gap year and travel

If you’d like to weigh in on those options please feel free, so far I’m thinking of taking my midyear holiday next year and doing a Canadian cross country road trip with a friend and then perhaps staying on for an exchange. I run out of time for a working visa officially the end on next year so that’s hanging over my head. But most importantly no matter what I’m doing or where I am nothing seems to change about my single status. Aren’t people with accents meant to be at least a few points hotter by default? Anyway I think it’s pretty clear to me at this point I have no idea what I’m doing, only that I’m doing it wrong…..oh and that I have no clue how to fix it.

Then just to ice the cake of hopelessness I’m feeling right now I took my eye off a sports team I follow on and off and bam! One of my favourite players has gotten married and had a baby. Literally had the baby yesterday. Thanks universe for making me feel like an even bigger loser.

Basically how I see it is there’s what I do and then there’s what everyone else does and there isn’t much interception between the two. I feel like a lesser, stupider species. It sucks.

It’s kind of strange when everyone else is dreaming of being rich or a rockstar or an actor and here I am dreaming of being normal. *sigh*

I’m off to indulge in some online retail therapy. Maybe later I’ll torture myself by watching say yes to the dress.

Until next time,

Vanessa

your socially awkward well meaning neighbourhood virgin

 

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3 thoughts on “A likely story

  1. “your socially awkward well meaning neighbourhood virgin” – LOL

    VANESSA YOU MENTIONED ME! *blushing*

    ummm, what was I gonna say?? Oh yeah! Don’t be ashamed!!! As if it’s so easy.. 😦 But seriously, we shouldn’t be. I don’t wanna be ashamed anymore.

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